tick.... tock....

.. when will the pain of being without you end? 
.... when will all these tears of mine be spent?....
... when will the hopes of your return relent... 
... will this heart of mine ever be content? ....the tick tock of this life clock is torment...


For Charlie ❤💔

Doesn't He Know... ?

Doesn't he know I love him....
Doesn't he know I care...
Doesn't he know I'm real...
Doesn't he know, we make the perfect pair...

Doesn't he know I'm in this, 100 percent...
Doesn't he know I'm scared...
Doesn't he know I'm new at this...
Doesn't he know despite that...

I'm not going anywhere....

Wheels in my head...

 ...the wheels in my head are turning...

...the emotions within me are stirring...

...im not blind,

...im not deaf,

...feeling stupid...

...i am fuming...

...tears running down my face,

... my eyes burning...

...cant help it...

... this heart inside my chest is hurting...

(not sure when I wrote this...)

forever doesn't last...

you loved me
and i loved you
we were together
 i thought forever
i saw you , i saw me
old and gray
with kids at play
we were one
and in love
love is gone?
no longer here?
no love left, to give, i fear
tears i've shed
tears iv'e bled
tears of lost unknown years
we could of shared
as a pair
forever gone? forever killed?
i saw  us together
happy forever
you loved me
and i loved you
we were together
 i thought forever

He consumes me...

Naive girl... you think your safe... you think your ok...
he invites you in... the spider... inviting the fly... come in... dont be afraid.. and why should you be... she trusts you... you listen to him... you hear him... you think he's a nice spider... but once he lures you in... youre weary... he kisses you softly... you think its ok.... his lips... soft .. gentle... kind and sweet ...you realize youre alone ... you tell him to stop ...but he wont... his smile turns into a joke.. whats so funny??? he caught you... he tricked you.... he will devour you... she struggles.. she fights.. her voice, is but a meager whistle... why??? he's body becomes a weapon.... to hurt.. to hold captive.... you want to scream but nothing comes out... he is eating your soul.. and there is not a damn thing you can do about it... no CRIME???? no crime??? he consumed her inner soul... yet you say he has done NOTHING???? she thought she was safe.... her innocence... LOST...

he consumed her...

One of those Days...

When all I think of is you...

When all i wanna do is be with you..

When all I see reminds me of you...

When all i hear is your voice whispering in my ear..

When all I feel is the pain from losing you...

When all i wanna do is stay in bed and cry all day...

When i wish i could tear this beating heart from my chest...

When i struggle with the need to call you every second of this day..

When i hope with all my heart and soul that you still loved me...

Its One Of Those Days my love...

When I Forget to Forget about you...

Its One Of Those Days...

Written 1/01/2008 

What kills me...

is knowing you are here...

knowing i cant look up at you...
your changing eyes and smiling face.

knowing i cant call you...
hear your voice and loving praise.

knowing i cant hug you...
feel your arms and warm embrace.


knowing i cant kiss you...
feel your lips and minty taste.


knowing you no longer feel anything for me..

This kills me.


Written on 01/04/2008